Desperate for a job, any job that’s even remotely legal, by SteffyPop

 

So why do you want to work for us? 

- I’ve always dreamt of working with dry cryogenic couplings, ballvalves and pipes. The biggest dream of my life is to sit in an office, with you guys, looking at those shiny edges and drinking coffee. 

- The sole purpose of my existence, the reason why I learned to read and write, the reason I was bullied and had embarrassing erections in school, was so that I could sit and work with dry cryogenic couplings all day every day, even at our Christmas parties, until the day I retire. 

- When you ask yourselves ‘why here?’, when there’s so many other places. It’s because these particular couplings and valves is my biggest dream. I follow you on social media. I even got a tattoo. I will name my children after you. 

- Did I get the job?

 So why do you want to work for us? 

- My biggest dream in life has always been to work with health issues in this specific city sub council committee. Health is important, and you work close to the people that live here, so you basically give them some health and I’d be delighted if I can health with you. 

- All I ever wanted since birth was to help people heal. I believe that we are all vulnerable and can become sick. So to administer papers regarding the accesses to healths, would be the pinnacle of my waking life here on this planet. 

- Of course the patients come first, but I’ll still do anything my boss says. 

So why do you want to work for us? 

- My biggest dream in life has always been to be an accountant, to work with receipts and have a calendar. Numbers are fun, I get to add them together and subtract them, I get to call the bank and write an email. It’s cool and rewarding looking at other people’s accounts and statements. 

- I was born to be happy, and I’m only happy if I get to categorize clients' receipts and calculate their tax-returns. All I’ve ever done, any receipt I’ve ever held, has lead up to this moment when I’ll become my own element in this little office room behind the coffee machine. 

I get to create profit for your company. I’m a team player that will help us grow. I don’t need a vacation. Yes I’d lie in court for our company, and I’d plant taxes in steep pockets. I’ll never be late, I’m ready to start from the bottom yes. I’ll climb. I’ll wait. Yes.